Baby Anxiety

    Incase you happened to stumble upon this blog and have absolutely no prior knowledge that a child was growing in me.... Here is a little update.

This babe is a GIRL 

Due November 11th 2015

     I am currently 25 weeks pregnant. No weird cravings, which I'm slightly disappointed about as I was looking forward to shouting, "I NEED Pickles and Fro-yo" at 9pm... but we've still got time. I've been pretty blunt about my insecurities over the last 6 months, and believe me, of all the pregnancy symptoms, I have mastered emotional break downs! I might not be eating potato chips and ketchup but you will find me sobbing uncontrollably over how precious forrest creature door knobs are.

Preface: Dad and Mom if you're reading, this is NOT a pity party.

     The harshest pregnancy reality I've had to come to terms with though is that everything they say and especially everything you SEE does not apply to you. And when I say come to terms with, I really mean I am sitting here telling myself to get over it and just accept it, while rolling my eyes.  But unfortunately, we live in a culture where it seems like pregnant women need to adhere to body "expectations". When we first found out this conception was legit I was ecstatic, OVER THE MOON excited.... and then I started looking at the internet. Now if you know me, you know confidence is not my strong suit, I am an all-star compare-er (is that a verb).

     And so ladies and gentleman, the internet is a mother freakin joke. And while some of you can take it with a grain of salt and can be happy for the 115lb pregnant girl with no stretch marks, 2 week Bora Bora babymoon, perfect make-up post delivery, professional photographer on hand, and $1,000 stroller, I applaud you, but I CAN'T! And thats my problem.....  I'll definitely admit that I have a problem.

    So YES, I am excited for this baby girl, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Holding her will be the most amazing miracle and loving her will be a gift. But the most difficult part of this, for me, will be accepting what happens to my body and remembering that I am lucky to carry a baby, accepting that a Bora Bora babymoon is not in the cards for me (or for 99% of pregnant women), and accepting that an ordinary life is a fulfilling one despite what you see on instagram.

     Knowing that a little girl will look to me one day for guidance and comfort scares me. Social media scares me. A 7-10lb human flying down my birth canal doesn't bother me a bit, but being a mom to a girl in the 21st century makes me cringe. So my question now is, how do I leave my insecurities behind, how do I exude confidence so my daughter doesn't turn into an all-star compar-er? Is there an answer......

Alright, Alright, just nod if you can hear me.

love you.